Which type of mum-friend are you?
Updated: Dec 14, 2018
If the last 14 months has taught me anything, aside from becoming a master at multitasking, is that you'll gain a whole new group of Mum-friends...
Mum-Friend -> a fellow saggy boob, stretch-mark filled mother who is the guardian of a child, often referred to as a little shit bag.
I have a range of 'mum-friends' who are all bloody-brilliant in their own way. They were my saving grace at 3am and always told me I looked good even when my top was leaking and I was late again for another morning at baby-rave (does anyone really go to these for their child? I'd get suckered in by the shitty coffee and chance to moan with the girls).
I've come across a whole range of mums... some who were a mix of the below, others who you just want to adopt as your child's second mum and then those who make you want to dump your baby with its Dad and run back to your ever-cool non-mum friends out in town!
Make-up on fleek (guilty!)
Baby happily smiling in photo
Dinner is made (and on snapchat)
Oh... and don't forget her baby is crawling well before everyone else in baby-sensory class because, that's some insta-worthy material right there!
The Mum Who F*@king Swears A lot:
She's just keeping it real
.....and her kid probably is a pooing little brat bag capable of all sorts of shitacular mess
It doesn't matter than their child is chewing their arm off out of hunger and is reaching over to grab my child's food - the books say children aren't allowed certain foods until they're 6-months old.... we still have 48-hours to go until little Billy is ready to eat that.... Just calm ya farm lady. Unless theres some medical reason, little Billy will probably be eating dirt from the nursery sandpit behind your back! (BTB mum will also be inclined to send you long messages on how to 'mum' - just block her now).
You know... the mum who'll be breastfeeding until her child's in fifth-grade, only uses eco-friendly organic re-usable nappies hand sewn in an orphanage in India type mum? All baby food is home-grown, organic produce good for soothing the soul.... (Excuse me... while I reach for a pouch of pre-made spaghetti to squeeze into my 7month old's mouth to prevent a melt-down)
The Laid Back Mum:
Now i'm slightly envious of this mum, her house is probably a shit-tip (I have slight OCD if our house is messy), she probably hasn't cooked a fresh meal in a week (YOLO!) and I bet she hasn't made a to-do-list since before her baby was born! In all honesty, she's probably the mum who gets to hang out with her kid and actually play for a while instead of running around cleaning, cooking and being a hot mess - for what? So her baby can grow up in a flash and remember it's fresh pasta instead of playing 'hide-in-the-ball-pit' with mum? ahhh nope! GOALS!
Little Bunty is eating his roti & dhayi with a side of ajawan paani for dinner, does his mool mantar before he sleeps, can't count in english but knows where his 'nakh' is and shouts 'Dhudhuu' at 5.30am - kya yaar! I love Bunty's. Living in Barnsley, there aren't many Bunty-ki-types, My little Reyaana will just have to have a gidha-off with her mumma instead!
There's probably a little bit of each of these mums in us all - and that's normal! I love a good insta-post, sharing rare-moments Reyaana isn't acting like a complete nut-case, I love making fresh pasta so she can feed it to the dog and I REALLY love massaging her in oils, then giving her a warm oil bath in hope she sleeps through the night.... LOL (never works by the way). Whatever mum you are, i'm sure you're rocking it.
I've gained some amazing mums as my friends this last year (two in particular) - god knows what i'd do if Antonia and Stef didn't plan baby-dates... i'd probably still be sitting in bed trying to breast feed and singing punjabi nursery rhymes at 10am on a Monday instead of getting ready to go out and have a coffee! They made a huge difference to my maternity leave.
If you're expecting or a new mum, join up to groups, message some other ladies due around the same time as you - I promise you'll thank yourself for it later! It's almost mandatory to feeling human again post-birth!
Over and out...
The mum & make-up artist who needs to get her arse into gear and finally record those mummy-make-up tutorials while trying to teach Reyaana to hold the camera straight to record them!
P.S. Sorry for swearing mum. Love you!